Conditioning starts tomorrow, and my head is full of questions and doubts that I never really considered before: What if I hurt my knee again? What if I cant keep up? What if I have an asthma attack? I havent played in 9 months, what if I suck?

Is it even a legitimate reason to go into this season so driven because of Mr Winds comments nearly a year ago? Or should I just forget why Ive been working so hard and start fresh? Do my teammates recognize my determination? Do they care? Does Mr Wind care?

Shit. Ive been thinking about this season for so long, and now its finally here. It scares me. I cant quite wrap my head around it right now. But the truth is, Ive made it this far, I cant let the doubt get to me now. Sooo wish me luck.

Ain’t no way they can stop me now
Cause I’m on my way, I can feel my ring coming
It’s the blood of a champion
Pumpin’ deep inside my veins- too much pride to be runnin’
I’ma get what I can and more
Even if my blood, my sweat, and my tears don’t mean nothing
It’s the heart of a champion

Heart of a Champion

Disregard that last post.

This society thrives on negative energy. Critics are all around, waiting to demoralize people left and right. My brother is one of them. He said in front of all our coworkers today that I dont have the drive to be successful in life- Im not passionate enough about anything to be extraordinary. The thing is, my brother is terribly mistaken if I am going to stand there and take it. He’s wrong.

The first thing that comes to mind is my soccer. I have not been allowed to touch a ball for 8 months now but my mind is still set on this season. I dream about how I will show everyone up with my hard work. Fuck, Ive worked out almost every day after my surgery. In August I could barely bike 3 miles in half an hour. Now I can run 4 miles in less than that. And its all for this season.

I have an unweighted 4.0 with four AP classes. I do volunteer work. I have a job. I love to paint. Thats more than most people can say and it takes a little bit of drive to do all that. Ive already created my own success and I wont let anyone’s negativity take that away from me.

So no, I wont have a breakdown. Im not going to give my brother or anyone else the satisfaction of me being weak. There.