This Little Light

Love is what keeps me going. Its a general statement but so, so true. Whether between friends, family, lovers, or strangers… Love is what makes me believe in everything I believe.

I just have always felt like I am here for a reason, and now im starting to figure that reason out.

 

what i do instead of studying for stats.

i havent written here in a while. i dont know… just been busy. out of town for a while, and finals are starting this week. im so so happy. like everything is amazing right now… with the exception of this little twinge of sadness that i am trying not to acknowledge. like i said before, its trivial. many, many things are going to happen to me. i cant let something silly like moving get in the way of how i live. its still a long way away.

ps. i played today. i might have played crappy, but gosh, it was the most fun ive had playing in over 2 years.

That’s Amore

Today was pretty much perfect. I got to spend it doing exactly what I wanted to, in every way. I slept in. I ran outside, and got lost in a gorgeous little neighborhood. I wore a dress and went on a walk with my boyfriend in the perfect weather. I helped my parents make dinner, had a few glasses of wine, and listened to spanish guitar. I spent 2 hours talking with my neighbor and my parents about life, the universe, and everything.

I dont know. I just think that this is how I want to live my life- simply, but happily. Maybe this is just my buzz talking right now, but behind all of the complaining that I do on my blog, I am a really happy person. Soccer and moving and parents and whatever else… its all temporary and trivial. And as much as I say I dont know what I want in the future… the only thing Im uncertain about it my career choice (even though I have that pretty narrowed down too). Besides that, I know exactly how I want my life to be.

I watched a movie last night with Stephen called Paris, Je Taime. The movie consisted of different short stories that take place in the City of Love. A lot were between lovers, but some were between parents and their children, divorcees, and even a woman in love with Paris itself. More than anything, that movie made me realize how much I really am just in love with… just about everything.

I sound cheesy now. But Im being honest. I know exactly what I want in life. I know how I want to spend it and who I want to spend it with. And Im pretty sure I know exactly how to get it too.

Well. I have school tomorrow… So I have to head to bed soon. Goodnight, world.

Way Away

Hmm. I feel really good.

I just had a conversation with a dear friend, which forced me to think about a few things. He made me realize that as wonderful as everything is, I have no fucking clue what is going to happen in the future. That thought scared me a little. Once again, not being able to have control makes me uncomfortable. I know he didnt want to scare me, he just doesnt want to see me hurt.

Then I had another conversation, and I realized that although a lot of what my friend said had some validity, I dont have to be worried. Maybe I didnt before, but now I have a pretty keen sense of what is right and wrong for me. At the moment, things are right. Thats all there is to it. I still have no fucking clue what will happen down the road, but I have no reason to be scared.

Today was really good. Like, really good.

Okay Im done.

fly me to the moon

aahhhhh. words escape me. but when do they ever come easily for me??

today was 234234 times better than i thought it could be.

Rest Time!

Hmm heres the agenda for tonight….

• Write my logo’s talk
• Read a few articles
• Start a new painting
• Paint my nails
• Watch a movie

Nothing more, nothing less.

Last Night…

I worked last night. I gave them my notice, so I work for one more week then Im done. If I so choose, I can return for set up days and breaks from school. Plus, since they hired newbies, I no longer have to do the dumb grunt work in the front.

Ray called me last night. He told me he would like me to lead the next Logos retreat. I didnt think I would be chosen, since nearly 50 people applied, but now Im ecstatic. More than anything I cant wait to see peoples’ faces on that Saturday night.

Jay sent me another drunken text last night, asking me why we dont talk. He said that I havent been trying, and I said that he never responds when I do try. We are both at fault. But, we both want to fix it and are going to talk later today.

I passed AP Statistics (79 baby!), completed my college apps, get to look for new gym shoes today, and finished my painting. It feels so good when all the little things are going your way… Plus I get to see Stephen today.

Fantastic!

Burning

If you took allllll of the energy from the sun and every other star in the universe, and then balled it up, and then squeezed it all into the middle of my chest, thats sort of what my heart feels like right now.

I’m on fire.

Fantastic

Remy Zero + Coffee Cake + Oil paints and brushes = One hell of a good night.

Sleepy

Theres nothing better than someone that you can feel totally at home with.

You can go from silly to intimate and back to silly in a matter of a few minutes. You can fall asleep watching anime and be as content as going out for a night on the town. There are no expectations- youre there to be with them. Thats it.

Im exhausted though so I am going to bed. Tomorrow should be a big fun day and I need my rest. Sweet dreams. Sweet Lime :)

oh and PS- He called me beautiful. Its the first time Ive heard that from anyone thats not my mom or a horny italian guy. And for once, I believed it.